"you stand in your own light. Make it shine"

Thank you fortune cookie. I will do exactly that.

In a rut

I need a new place to live pronto. Problem is since I've reduced my work schedule to go to school full time, I can't afford any place else but my dad's house where I currently reside. It's not really the ideal place at the moment and it really only amplifies my stress/depression alot more. SOOOOO its either stay in hell to accomplish my goal to get out of there for GOOD at a faster pace. or be at elco forever but be happy. hmm...

Peekaboo

I think I wear a permanent disguise.
Only a handful TRUELY know and understand how my crazy mind works.
I'm small but I feel gigantic.
I wear uggs when its cold. but never with a skirt.
I LOVE pink lipstick and gold jewelry.
Making out is my favorite pastime.
The longest I've ever slept is 17 hours straight.
I obsess over:
Food.
Weight.
Clothes.
Boys.
Love.
Jewelry.
Poems.
Music.
Shoes.
(But mostly food and boys)
Babies scare me.
old people scare me.
I dont see what everyone else does when I look in the mirror.
I like to be the big spoon.
I love to laugh and smile.
I cry often.


"Please be careful with me. I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way"

Ou et les ho's?

It's funny the way the rain controls your mind. It puts these thoughts in your head of curling up in bed with someone that you may have hated on the previous sunny day. While waiting for the red light to turn green you are hypnotized by the windshield wipers to think about all the people whom you may have hurt. All people who you could be spending this rainy day with insted of alone. There are regrets of all the things that could have been but werent, or that were but shouldn't have been.
But just then the light turns green.
and life goes foward.
Your thoughts are broken and you realize that the rain is just water.
thats all.

Sometimes

I wish someone would tell me when I'm sorta retarded. Like putting apostrophes in the wrong places. Comeon people. help a sister out.

It's love.

Baby I'm Back!

I haven't been writing much these days. Mostly because I don't really have anything to say, and parlty because I've been trying to do good in school. Besides, who wants to read about me complaining about how I have no life, and other bipoloar bullshit. Not me thats for sure. Heck, I dont even want to hear about it in my own head.
But anyhoo, school is done (for now) and I have 3 more days of freedom until the depression and stress hits again. Hopefully not as hard this time. I will be taking ballet again, and learning how to bellydance!! watch out! And also boxing, which will help me let out my built up frustration on life and boys and whatnot.
I had a really good morning today. I woke up with enough time to make breakfast and watch a good movie. I sat outside in the sun to which I've been missing greatly and I even made my bed. I forgot what it feels like to be happy. I've missed this self. I hope she stays awhile.

Happy 23rd Ant!

Oh Curly

calbearkevin: so when does work get done?

robotdelicious: 430. another 30 minutes

robotdelicious: balls!

calbearkevin: balls huh?

robotdelicious: balls!

calbearkevin: three of our last five combines words have been balls...its tough being intellectuals

New Obsession

I think you should be my boyfriend. I'd be real good to you. Promise.

it might be good for you to stay and listen to me say

Waking up was tough today, not because of lack of sleep but perhaps too much. The thing about being on cloud nine is that when you fall, you fall pretty damn hard. When will people realize that sincerity, affection and certainty is way better than any game. It may be scary, but scary is exciting. So face your fears.

My two cents

I need a nap desperately.

Sometimes I feel a little off